When Our Plans Don’t Involve the Kids

I don’t travel alone much since I’ve had kids. In fact, I’m afraid I don’t do much of ANYTHING on my own these days…

When I had my first baby, my loss of independence was certainly the biggest adjustment for me. Not the sleepless nights. Not the countless diaper changes. Not the painful first weeks breastfeeding. Hormones seem to have taken care of all that.

What troubled me was the fact that I couldn’t simply walk out the door and get a cup of coffee. A store run had to be planned in advance. The simplest outing entailed complicated logistics. Freedom – physical and mental – became a word of the past. As I held my baby those first few weeks, all I could think about was how I would be forever vulnerable, forever attached to that little person by a love that was larger than life, an indescribable bond.

When you’re expecting a child, you know your life is going to radically change. But nothing can really prepare you for the extent of this change.

Of course, we adjust. And soon enough I was happy – thrilled even – to bring my girls along to most places, excited to share as many adventures with them as I could. So much so that I’ve made it my life’s work.

But, sometimes, I can’t. Or, quite frankly, I just don’t want to.

I used to feel guilty about it. Then I moved on to feeling guilty for not feeling guilty.

On these rare occasions my plans did not include the girls, the toughest part has always been saying goodbye. Those hours leading to a solo trip were always very special. I was more present and patient, and truly enjoyed their company. Still, there was always a pang in my heart when we said goodbye. It was a weird and uncomfortable feeling for someone who’s always been fearless and adventurous.

This last time, however, as I left for the Camino de Santiago (St. James’s Way), a pilgrimage to the shrine of the apostle St. James in the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela, Spain, I felt something completely different. As usual, I enjoyed a playful and carefree morning with the girls. Fully present, I watched them lovingly and felt so close to them my heart could burst.

This time, however, there was no fear nor guilt.

On the contrary, as they dropped me off and watched me disappear into Madrid-Barajas airport, I felt proud. I felt brave and confident. I felt like the best role model I could ever be. An example of a courageous woman taking on a new adventure, embarking on yet another journey of discovery and self-knowledge.

I didn’t even cry. 🙂

PS: Here’s a clip of my adventure on the Camino de Santiago. I still can’t put into words how fantastic it’s been.

PSS: For those times when you do want to make the best of your time with your kids, sign up for our e-mails to be notified of our launch.[activecampaign form=35]